The 5 best things about being a Gen X woman… And the 5 worst
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. OK, Dickens wasn’t talking about the formative years of those born between 1965-1980 when he wrote those words, but he may as well have been, such is the double-edged nature of that particular sword.
Let’s start with the good stuff. In no particular order:
No WhatsApp or social media. Any mean comments from school “friends” stayed at the gates and didn’t follow you home inside a mini super computer in your bag. Comparing yourself was limited to static photos of celebrities in the pages of Jackie (and later Cosmo, Heat etc). That was toxic enough, especially during the “heroin chic” years, without those celebrities coming to life on Insta, telling you what they’ve had for breakfast and how they’ve already meditated for an hour and it’s only 6am.
Rubbish cameras. You know, the ones with the red-eye cancelling buttons which never actually worked. The ones you rarely had with you unless it was a birthday or a wedding. Thanks to which, there are zero photos of me drunk on the internet. There are a few in Kodak wallets at the back of friends’ drawers, but they are highly unlikely to see the light of day or be called up on Google in a nanosecond by a would-be employer/investor/other serious person. Hallelujah.
Great music. 1990 alone saw the release of Violator by Depeche Mode, Fear of a Black Planet by Public Enemy, Bossanova by Pixies, Behaviour by the Pet Shop Boys and so many others. The 80s had birthed a whole new genre and cultural movement in the form of rave. The 90s gave us the raw energy of grunge. And we had the best yacht rock, before yacht rock was even a thing - Hall and Oates, Phil Collins, get in!
No Netflix, Apple TV etc. I love my Narcos, Bad Sisters etc as much as the next woman, but there was something special and unifying about all tuning in at 9pm on a Wednesday night to see what JR had been up to on Dallas, or who had said a rude word on Top of the Pops (7.30pm on Thursdays, of course) and then discussing it avidly the next day No catch up. No on-demand. In the early days, not even a VCR. If you missed it, it was gone forever. Which, like so many things in life, somehow made it more meaningful.
No misused therapy speak. Thank the Lord for the normalisation of seeking help and going to therapy (see the worst things, below, for why this was much needed). But these days every Tom, Dick and Harriet feel themselves qualified to label their boss a narcissist just for asking that they show up for work. I exaggerate. And I can be guilty of this too. But we could probably all do with pulling back a little on this and looking at ourselves before diagnosing others (some of whom, of course, will indeed be narcissists, but not everyone).
Now for the sub-optimal parts of the Gen X experience:
Institutional sexism, racism and any other ism you can think of, was still very much a thing. Yes, strides had been made, but not enough. It was fairly normal to have male colleagues in the City go off to strip clubs with clients and for the female members of staff to have to be “cool” about it. Note: not at the place I worked, which was blessedly much more progressive, but I’ve heard this from many friends about life in the law/finance in the early naughts.
Minimal to no guidance on how to process emotions. Some of our parents lived through WW2 (albeit as young kids) and most experienced its aftermath. So it is completely understandable that simply keeping calm and carrying on was the norm, especially when considering that they “benefitted” from parenting that had scarcely changed since Victorian times. Whilst admirable on so many fronts, it didn’t set our parents up to be great role models of how to feel and process emotions and communicate them appropriately, for obvious reasons.
We were sold the myth of “having it all” which has led to most women of our age exhausting themselves DOING it all (the full time, high pressure job and the majority of the domestic labour). Add in now caring for ageing parents, and you’ve got a 3 full time jobs in one.
Menopause is hitting us hard. For all the reasons explained above. Add hormonal tomfoolery into the mix and its a combustible and totally overwhelming cocktail. But thanks to some early Gen X pioneers who spoke out, demanded better treatment options and support and refused to go quietly into the world of twinsets and pearls, we’re changing the conversation about what m idlife should look and feel like for us and for those women who come after us. It’s (yet more) hard work, though.
Financial f*ckery. While we have generally fared better than millenials in that buying a small property on a professional salary was just about do-able in our 20s and 30s, we’ve gone through the dot.com bubble, the 2008 financial crists, Covid and whatever the hell is happening at the moment with various levels of resilience and bemusement. And let’s not forget that women still earn 87.2p for every £1 a man earns for the same work (80-83p for women of colour); that many of us stepped away from lucrative careers - or at least took a side step - to raise children, or just burned out completely due to the lack of awareness around stress, work/life balance etc back in the day. It’s been a lot and still is.
What do you think? Would your list look different? What have I missed? Let me know at karen@inanncoaching.com
