i believe…

…that in order to really make lasting change, we need to go deep and face some things that might be uncomfortable. I don’t mean by wallowing in trauma for months on end, but bypassing the difficult stuff and heading straight for “raising your vibration” - as many personal growth modalities seem to do - doesn’t work. And believe me, I’d be all in favour if it did.

Instead, we need someothing rigorous enough to really make a difference, but kind enough to not shame us and to respect our humanity. And whilst going through this process we need regular reminders of all the things that are great about us, because we have terrifyingly short memories on that stuff.

After 20 years of lived experience in the nauseatingly titled “wellness space” - as a mentor, sponsor, yoga teacher and coach, but also as a customer looking for a way to truly feel better - I have pulled together everything I’ve found to be really effective for me and those I’ve worked with and created my own unique approach.

The actual outcome? The one you're really interested in — not merely stopping behaviours like people-pleasing, overworking, compulsive eating or poor boundaries, but finally feeling like you again. But you after a serious confidence glow up: self-trusting, embodied, joyful and alive.

And the joyful and alive piece is really important, because this isn’t just about optimising you or making you better behaved. Quite the contrary, we want to reconnect you to that sparky, slightly feral creature you used to be before the world told you to tone it down.

In short, I help women stop running from themselves, feel the shit they've been avoiding, work out what they actually want, and trust themselves enough to go after it.

My Framework

My framework draws from various strands: 12-step recovery principles, Layla Martin's VITA™ methodology which combines Tantric philosophy with nervous-system/somatic work and my own two decades of lived experience.

The 12 step program has a mixed reputation. I believe that’s largely due to the (understandably) imperfect people who practice it and the fact that it was devised in 1930s America by white men who, for obvious reasons, had never heard the words ‘trauma’, ‘self-care' or, let’s face it, ‘diversity’.

However, I and many thousands of others have found it to be incredibly effective in tackling unhelpful behaviours and finally facing and releasing things which have an emotional hold on us. It offers strong scaffold for self-awareness, self-responsibility and, if practised well, self-compassion.

I believe those are the essential foundations of all personal growth, whether you are engaging in compulsive or addictive behaviours or just feeling stuck and unfulfilled in life. So I have lovingly and respectfully borrowed certain aspects of the 12 steps and adapted them in a way which I believe every human can benefit from. My intention in doing so is not to water them down or rip them off, but to ensure that even those who would never have cause to walk through the doors of AA (or any of its offshoots) can get the good stuff without any of the downsides, be they real or perceived.

Once those foundations are in place we can start to get into the really fun bits: reconnecting to your body, your feelings, your desires (and the desires under the desires), overhauling your relationships and creating a life that you actually feel a bit giddy about.

Briefly, my methodology can be summed up by these stages:

CLEAR

Look at the hurt, shame, guilt, fear, resentment, patterns and unfinished emotional business that are still quietly running the show.

Not by endlessly excavating your childhood. Not by blaming your parents for everything. Not by wallowing. Just by clearing enough of the emotional debris that you can actually see what's going on now.

This is the vital first stage because you cannot reliably answer “What do I want?” while being unconsciously driven by “What will keep me safe / liked / approved of?”

CONNECT

Come back into relationship with yourself, other people and something bigger than yourself.

You’ll start to remember what you like, what feels good in your body (remember that?) and enjoy spending time with yourself again.

You’ll connect with a supportive, like minded community (no cringey group activities required, unless that’s your thing) who are as invested as you are in living well.

And you can retire from the control freak club when you reconnect to a sense of something greater. No religion or “woo” required, this is more about getting you back in touch with your intuition and innate sense of what’s right for you. Less “The universe has a plan, babe” more “You don't have to white-knuckle your way through being a human, that shit is exhausting.”

FEEL

Stop running from your emotional and bodily experience.

No more bypassing difficult emotions or slapping a positive affirmation over them. But also no more analysing them to death or wallowing in them for weeks.

You will learn to experience them safely, compassionately and somatically through body-centred and nervous-system practices. You might even start to enjoy them!

CRAVE

Discover what you actually want. NOT what you’re supposed to want. NOT what would make everyone else happy.

What do YOU want?

More sex? Less work? A different career? A different relationship? More adventure? More solitude? More creativity? To rave like its 1993? A dog? A completely different life? Maybe.

And the point isn't to immediately blow up your life. It's to excavate how you really want to feel in your life and start taking steps (even tiny ones) to make it happen.

CHOOSE

Make choices that are actually yours. Then learn to communicate them without abandoning yourself.

No more: “It's fine.” “Whatever you think.” “I'll sort it.”

Instead: self trust in action. Knowing what you want, what you’re willing to do and, just as importantly, knowing what you aren’t willing to do, and being able to tolerate someone else’s disappointment. And then actually doing it.

LIVE

Build more joy, pleasure, meaning and aliveness into your actual life.

Have adventures. Celebrate. Make rituals. Do the things that make you feel like yourself. Let yourself be seen. Go dancing. Go to the art gallery on a Wednesday afternoon. Laugh until you snort. Try something you've always wanted to try. Make a decision that isn't optimised for productivity.

These seemingly “frivolous” and “unproductive” activities are vital ways of reconnecting with your joie de vivre and aliveness.

Let’s be clear: it isn't linear. You don't graduate from Feel and never have a difficult emotion again. You don't finish Clear and become permanently healed.

However, if you go through the process with an open mind and a willingness to feel it all, you will come out with an entirely different relationship to yourself. And that relationship impacts every other relationship you will ever have, as well as your earning capacity, health and happiness levels.

So if you’re ready to face the shit you’ve been avoiding so you can reach the heights you know you deserve, let’s do this.

CERTIficates on the wall

Two decades in 12 Step recovery (they don’t give out certificates for that but they really should)

Qualified CCAR Recovery Coach

VITA™ Certified Coach, trained by Layla Martin

Yoga Alliance 200+ Hours Teacher

Former lawyer. Recovering perfectionist and bulimic. Imperfect human living fully, one day at a time.